Monday, February 1, 2016

freedom overload

It seems we are all trapped, one way or another. Either trapped in circumstances we did not foresee or trapped in those we intentionally created for ourselves. And there we are. The decision is whether to struggle or to give in, which seems an immense decision on the face of it but ultimately neither one matters in the end. Either way you are still trapped, and even if you manage to get free there will only be another trap attached to freedom. 

Some would say that not having to go to work would be the ultimate freedom. Some would delight, if only they could, in not having to be anywhere or do anything all day. No places to go, no people to see. The enormous freedom. Yet I know that with that kind of freedom comes complete uncertainty. Like letting a toddler do whatever they want to do without any intervention. At first it’s fun but then they get hungry, or tired, or both, and without an adult to feed them or put them to bed a toddler is lost. Confused. Panic-stricken. Their freedom is their prison.

So I’m eating biscuits for lunch and drinking tea because I can, and because my self-control has momentarily left the building, along with my self-belief and self-preservation. I’m sure they’ll be back. They’ve just ducked out for some fresh air and adult conversation. You tend to miss these things when you don’t get out much.

1 comment:

Bronwen Dyer said...

You have described it perfectly. There really seems to be no happy medium between at home boundaries and work/study boundaries (sigh). Are we at the mercy of fate.. and all we can do is decide to not struggle against the confine? Do we accept what we have/can actually do and make the best of it?