the grasping

I was asked by two different people yesterday how old my children are, to which I gave a kind of automatic, matter-of-fact reply. When I thought about it later, I realised that those two numbers mean I have been a mother for six years and a mother of two for three-and-a-half years. And I thought to myself: That seems like a hell of a long time to be doing a job and still not think you really have a handle on it. But then I read this and realised that of course you never get a handle on it, and even if you think you do, the handle will soon change or disappear from view for a minute, enough to keep you grasping and thinking. All I know is I love being their mother, relaxing into it more every day and letting them run wild and happy then having them come back to me. It's not an easy job, but I'm beginning to believe it does get easier.